Superbowl throwback: Len Dawson, Chiefs Quarterback, 1967. 

Superbowl throwback: Len Dawson, Chiefs Quarterback, 1967. 

Sports / BAD JOBS OF THE WEEK

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1. Kellen Winslow was caught at Target doing irresponsible things

What you prefer to do on your own time is no one’s business.

But when you’re out in a parking lot with jars of Vaseline going to town on your meat, it’s a bad job.

Maybe that’s like a fetish of Winslow’s or something, but don’t try to fool people by saying you were just changing clothes in your whip. Nobody is going to buy that when a witness says they saw you open jars of Vaseline and then a cop later follows up with the report confirming it.

Winslow is so done.

2. John Tortorella is a fake mob dude

I can’t begin to explain how much I hate this bafoon.

This guy is piece of garbage and walks around with a smug look as if he’s the greatest coach that’s ever graced the sport.

I’m not even surprised that he tried to fight opposing players. It was probably only a matter of time.

I just wish someone knocked his teeth down his throat.

Horrible job.

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3. Davone Bess has lost it

Bess was arrested Friday at a hotel, singing and dancing with his pants falling down. Crushing cups of coffee on cops, tweeting pictures of weed and himself naked.

Something’s clearly up with Bess, hopefully it’s not anything related to head injuries from playing in the NFL, but part of me just thinks the guy has been hooked on drugs and is doing this to himself.

-mDOT

SPORTS / Deaf Seahawks running back Derrick Coleman x Duracell

NFL logos redesigned in Euro soccer mode.

NFL logos redesigned in Euro soccer mode.

Lesean Mccoy don’t like you.

SPORTS / NFL Bad Jobs Week 3

1. Jordan Todman tells crowd to “Shhh” after making the score 38-17

The stupidity of athletes these days is amazing.

Before this point, Todman’s Jags were just getting absolutely destroyed. I’m pretty sure if the Seahawks felt like it, they could’ve shut you out the entire game. But because it was a blowout by halftime, they took it easy a bit and let you losers move the ball a little.

If anyone should shut up, it should be you with your 22 career rushing yards and one touchdown.

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2. Giants got destroyed by Scam Newton and the Panthers

This was by far the most surprising result of the week to me. If you told me the final score would have been 38-0, there’s no chance I’d guess the Giants were the ones to put up a doughnut.

The problem with the Giants is their offensive line is absolutely horrific. They might be better served grabbing four fat guys from the local bar watching the game if they want to protect Eli.

7 sacks allowed is a terrible job.

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3. Tom Brady was begging Deion Branch and Brandon Lloyd to come back

Despite a 3-0 start, Tom Brady looks like he’s in panic mode and I guess I can’t blame him. His receivers are trash.

For Brady though, It’s pretty sad when you’re begging and hitting up guys on text who are completely done to come back to a squad that cut them because they were completely done. 

Branch btw said he’s ready whenever.

And Lloyd? Well, he’s filming some Zombie movie going straight to DVD.

But we’ll save that bad job for another day.

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4. Niners Aldon Smith might be an alcoholic and they let him play

Not that getting caught with a DUI is ever acceptable, but if this was a first offense then I wouldn’t have had a huge problem with the 49ers letting Aldon Smith play.

But getting charged with his second DUI a few days before the game? You’re riding the bench. 

According to the NFL, the league or the 49ers couldn’t suspend Smith, at least not yet. But benching him for the entire game is what the team should’ve done. How many tackles can Smith make at that point anyway if he’s been hammered over the past week and obviously unstable. 

To Smith’s credit, he is entering a treatment facility on his own to help resolve his problem. But as an organization the Niners needed to step up here. 

 

5. Adam Schefter looks like he’s never caught a football before in his life

Not that I expected Schefter to come out sticking balls one-handed like Cris Carter did in this segment, but when he was lining up to try and catch a ball, it was kind of embarrassing. Schefter looked scared to death.

I don’t know how fast those balls are coming at him, but I doubt it’s any faster than 20-30 MPH. Watching Schefter getting knocked back into the wall you’d think it was a Randy Johnson fastball coming at him.

You’ve got the access Adam, go out and try catching a few balls on the field to prepare for the next time you do a segment like this.

What a bad job. 

-mDOT (edit AB)

SPORTS / NFL Bad Jobs Week 2

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1. Panthers have blown 10 fourth quarter leads under Ron Rivera

To no one’s surprise, that stat also directly coincides with the arrival of Scam Newton.

As is the case with Newton, his numbers don’t show how terrible he was (21/38, 229 YDS, 2 TD, 1 INT). The Bills did everything they could to give this game away and Newton made no effort to actually take it.

He made about seven terrible overthrows and his defense didn’t do him any favors either in that final drive. The Bills had to go 80 yards in 98 seconds with a rookie quarterback and no timeouts and they did so fairly easily.

You don’t get more wide open than Stevie Johnson was on that last play and for that alone Rivera and Scam should’ve been fired on site.

2. CBS cameras catch guy kissing extremely intoxicated girl

This is a bad job on the production crew here coming back from break.

It’s very obvious that the girl in the Broncos jersey is inebriated. This isn’t a baseball game and no one gets that tired unless they’re completely sloshed.

I’m sure there were other fans in the crowd next to each other wearing matching Manning brother jerseys that could’ve gotten some facetime, but instead they go with this fuckery.

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3. Philip Rivers flops like a girly girl

I could just picture Rivers and his douchebag looking face while he’s doing this, too.

You can’t act like a tough guy by getting in the face of a defensive lineman and then flop like a complete tool a few seconds later.

Man up and win a playoff game for once Phillip.

4. Eagles “reporter” says they’re going to win the cup

I’m not one of those sports fans that think women have no place on the field. To me, that’s absolutely ridiculous.

But if you are going to have any female “talent” during a sports broadcast, she has to at least know the basics.

And we don’t care how smoking you are, knowing which sport you’re talking about would be a huge help.

It’s a Super Bowl, and there has been 47 of them in the NFL. It’s not just any game either. Over 100 million people tune in to watch it so maybe you should get yourself acclimated to the occasion should the Eagles actually make it there by some miracle.

So unless Mike Vick grabs a hockey stick and LeSean McCoy puts on some goalie pads, the Eagles will not be “winning the cup” this year, or the World Series, or the NBA Finals, or the English Premiere League.

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5. The Phil Simms Live Handoff Tutorial

No explanation needed.

via KSK

-mDOT (edit by AB)

FOOTBALL FAT / Grilled Buffalo Chicken Sliders

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via Chow

READ / The Goods.

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Prep School Gangsters They cruise the city in chauffeured cars, blasting rap, selling pot to classmates. How some of New York’s richest kids joined forces with some of its poorest. 

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A Hail Mary for Ryan Leaf  They called him a better quarterback than Peyton Manning. Then they called him the NFL’s greatest bust. playboy

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An Oral History Of Apple Design: 2001  37-years in the story of this generation’s greatest design tale. fastcompany

SPORTS / Week 1 NFL Bad Jobs

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It should be noted that due to NFL wardrobe rules, Cam Newton wasn’t allowed to wear these shoes during the game. But the nerve of this egotistical bastard to actually go out and get Superman cleats and put them on is a disgrace.

You’re 13-20 in 33 career games as a starter. There’s nothing “Super” about that. If Superman was actually under center, I don’t think he’d throw for a measly 125 yards and 5.4 yards-per-attempt.

Those numbers look a lot more like Blaine Gabbert than any superhero I know.

illustration via chrisbrockman.com

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What David DeCastro was thinking on this play is hard to imagine. I don’t want to say the guy took out Pouncey intentionally because why the hell would he, but it sure looked like it.

His job was clearly to pull and take out a defender, but instead he went right at Pouncey’s legs even though he wasn’t even really in his way. DeCastro seemed to have a clear shot at the defender and just missed.

Now his stupidity knocked out arguably the best center in the entire league. Add that to losing Larry Foote and La’Rod Stephens-Howling to injuries, and losing at home to the Titans, and Pittsburgh is looking like a complete mess. 

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Leave it to a selfish, overpaid, overrated receiver to complain about having one reception in the opening week of the season, on a day his debut saw his new team get a good, solid win on the road no less.

Couldn’t Wallace just shut up and be happy about getting a road win? 

Maybe if he added a bit more to his skill set instead of being a glorified one-trick pony, he might be able to earn that contract. 

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The rookie may have been a hero in NY for the day after leading a game-winning field goal drive thanks to the stupidity of Lavonte David’s penalty with seven seconds remaining.

One thing I love about NFL refs is that when they know you’re making the wrong decision, they let you know. In this case, they just ignored Geno when he attempted a timeout and they let the clock run down to two minutes.

That’s a good job. 

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For the last three years there was tons of hype around Jared Cook. 

Yet his numbers in Tennessee were always rather pedestrian.

Only one time in three seasons did Cook even have more than 530 yards receiving while with the Titans. The blame couldn’t be placed on Jeff Fisher while he was there; he only had him for two seasons before being fired.

It’s probably no coincidence that the new team Fisher coaches opted to give Cook a nice-sized contract to play in St. Louis.

7 receptions, 141 yards, 2 touchdowns in Week 1 proves Fisher was right and Tennessee was dumb. 

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Pryor may have went for 329 total yards (112 rushing) and was one of the biggest reasons why the miserable Raiders were even in the game, but he’s a little bit too emotional for our taste. 

I know he had two interceptions and threw a pick on their last possession, but stop being so sad, man.

It’s not like you lost your scholarship or anything and were almost never in the NFL cause you took free haircuts. 

-mDOT (edit by AB)

THE RETURN OF TEBOWING

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The Patriots have been winners for as long as my 12-year old nephew has taken breathes. If it wasn’t for my particular fondness for the characteristic of loyalty and the shared principles of blood in and blood out, I would find it easy to disown anyone in my family with opposing rooting interests.

And through it all I remove bias and show respect where respect is due; because when it comes to football, the Patriots are a standard of excellence. They usually turn turd to diamonds, make the most unfeasible of players serviceable

Bill Belichick, often referred to as “the hood” has no “f—cks” to give about anybody. His model marrying quarterback Tom Brady, who also happens to look like a model wearing Uggz campaign in pads carries with him the same air of unflappability. 

Their 3 championships as a franchise are nothing to sneeze at. Their consistent Superbowl apperances, a testament to it. 

Through their history they’ve taken on these challenges and turned them into blissful results. 

Tebow is the latest in a line of washed up adversaries with no more homes to lay in, a low risk assessment with immediate financial windfalls in the jersey sales department. 

He will be heralded as the perfect reclamation project, lauded as the next Corey Dillon or in the most embarrassing of demos, he’ll be Albert Haynesworth. 

Boston fans love these stories, those of blue collar castaways who come back and win on for Mass, and are immortalized as heroes forever. 

For the fans, however, who are sick of the sideshow, this unlikeliest of rebirths rekindles the latest chapter in the saga of the most famous player in sports without an actual resume. 

Sure the women love his body and the zealots love his divine character. Yet for all intensive purposes he’s a complete mess when it comes to the ABCs of fundamentals.

For all his leadership qualities, Tebow has barley shown the consistency to lead a receiver into a correct route. NFL pundits vomit at his delivery; and the sight of dead ducks swimming in the stadium wind are more commonplace than uncharacteristic. 

And yet, the mythical figure returns and so too do the prospects of his fairytale ending. 

The Pats are a third chance for Tebow, a chance few thought he would get 48 hours ago. 

How far he takes it will depend on him. He won’t be the man and it won’t matter a lick if he scores 3 or 5 touchdowns this season. This is “the hood” and Malibu Ken’s team. He should be happy they thought he was fit enough for the ride. 

- ab

illustration by Toby K. 

BAD JOBS OF THE WEEK

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1. Royce White thinks the Rockets and David Stern are out to get him

Listen, I get that anxiety disorder is probably a bigger issue than people may realize. But if you think that the organization who spent a first-round draft pick on you wants you gone? You’re an idiot.

Memo to Royce, you’re not that important to the rest of the league for them to be “out to get you.” Only the Rockets care about your situation because they spent a mid-first round draft choice on you and are trying as much as possible to comply with your needs.

You better get your shit straight because the clock has already begun ticking on your career. You weren’t projected to be that good in the first place.

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2. NFL approves a new rule that sets up for Running Backs to get killed

They say the average life span of an NFL running back is about three years, so implementing a rule that takes away the runner’s ability to lower his head when bracing for a hit is basically asking for the ultimate demise of this position.

“Jim Brown never lowered his head,” Steelers President Art Rooney said with a smile. “It can be done.”

Yeah, well, Jim Brown was also bigger than everyone in the league at that time. The game was completely different. These defensive players today are so ridiculously fast and strong that these offensive players barely even have a second to react so sometimes lowering your pad-level to absorb a blow is the only way you can protect yourself.

Many keep projecting that we may not have football even 20 years from now. That notion to me is a complete overreaction, but at this rate with all these rule changes the NFL has been putting in to protect players, we may be watching flag football come 2033.

Also, the league finally did away with the dumbest rule in the history of the sport, the Tuck Rule. To which the Oakland Raiders said…

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Well done, Oakland.

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3. Cavs fan runs on the court for LeBron wearing a shirt that says “We Miss You, Come Back 2014”

I know the Cavs suck despite having the great Uncle Drew on their team.

And I know that when LeBron was in Cleveland they won 60 games regularly and were a threat to go to the Finals virtually every season.

But what this clown did to that city and the way he did it is something I would never, ever forgive if I was a Cavs fan.

It’s not the fact that LeCon James left the Cavs, because I wasn’t completely against it as an outsider observing his potential options.

It’s really how he went about the whole thing that’s so unforgivable.

And I don’t give a damn what anyone says, these butt buddies played together the summer before and conspired when signing their new deals.

James knew what he was doing, he knew he wasn’t returning to Cleveland and didn’t even have the decency to let that team know before his nationally televised announcement.

If I was that guy, my shirt would’ve said “Rot in Hell, Tear an ACL.”

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4. Kendall Gill fights another broadcaster over Joakim Noah’s goaltending call

Just for the record, I agree with Kendall Gill’s opinion on this particular play. I thought the refs blew this call which turned out to be the deciding factor of this game.

But coming to blows with Tim Doyle in the CSN Newsroom might be a bit much.

Now, Doyle is not without blame here. He went out of his way on a later show to voice his displeasure with Gill’s comments when all he really needed to say was that he felt the refs made the right call.

Instead, he decided to speak out against not only a former professional athlete, but one that is now a pro boxer.

4-0 record with three knockouts, in case you were wondering.

And if you want to include this altercation with Doyle, let’s make it 5-0 with four knockouts since Gill threw a punch and blood was drawn.

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5. Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria threatens to sue two fans for something that’s his fault

The next time Jeffrey Loria does something to appease his fans someone should bring the cameras out, cause it’ll probably be a miracle.

Not only does this money-hungry, conniving owner cheat his fans from enjoying good baseball from April to September, but now he won’t even comply with two lifelong fans who’ve purchased season tickets since 1998.

Granted, the view obstruction these fans complain about isn’t exactly the biggest change you’ll see, but if I’m paying 25 grand for season tickets to watch a team (who’s owner has completely mailed it in), I’d like to be able to sit comfortably without any worries as well.

But rather than show loyalty, Loria looks for another way to make even more money.

What a bad job.

-mDOT

BAD JOBS OF THE WEEK

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1. James Dolan is raising ticket prices at the Garden next season, again

The only thing I’ll even give a little credit for when it comes to James Dolan is the fact that he did promise not to raise ticket prices unless the Knicks were good. And during basically the entire 2000’s, the Knicks were awful.

So to no one’s surprise, he raised them after the Knicks traded for Carmelo Anthony. But god forbid he lets this team win a damn playoff series or at least let fans enjoy one full season of actually being good.

The prices were raised heading into the 2011-12 season, and the team virtually fell flat on their face. Yes they made the playoffs, but it took a coaching change for their best player to even decide playing and a late-season run just to secure a playoff spot before ultimately getting embarrassed by the Miami Heat.

The least this guy could do is spare his fans one decent season that actually results in a playoff series win before jacking up prices again.

Maybe if he didn’t spend $800 million on a three-year transformation that nobody gives a shit about because the arena basically looks the same, he wouldn’t have to continue to steal money out of our pockets.

When your prices become too expensive for your hardcore fans to even enjoy at least a handful of games every season, you’re not doing a good job as an owner. If the arena is filled with a bunch of corporate assholes that care more about entertaining their client than the actual result of the game, then eventually Madison Square Garden doesn’t become the home-court advantage it should be.

If you want to get back some money, maybe you should sell your seats right underneath the basket every game. I’m sure you can make a shit load off of those itself on some suit wearing dbag. Spare the die-hard fans.

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2. Florida Panthers prospect gets drunk and breaks into a house he thinks is his

We’ve all had our fair share of wasted nights. I’m certainly no angel.

But breaking into a house you thought was yours, passing out on the couch and then yelling at a woman and her kids, who live there, and telling them to get out? That’s a different type of blackout.

The woman’s husband reportedly told Scott Timmins, “You’re lucky I wasn’t here because I would’ve put a bullet between your eyes and it would’ve been over for you.”

Maybe it’s me, but I would think hearing something like that would make me want to change my ways a bit and be more careful about how I handle my alcohol.

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3. Two NFL GMs are pranked into calling each other and the conversation gets recorded

How this even happened is amazing to me.

I didn’t realize getting through to talk to any NFL General Manager just consisted of a phone call pretending to be another GM.

I also didn’t realize that one front office person can be so stupid to continue to call a phone number they didn’t recognize, assuming it’s another GM, and not actually trying to confirm the number another way.

Shouldn’t General Managers have every other GM’s numbers in their smart phones? Maybe since Buddy Nix is 73 years old he probably still has a rolodex. But either way, you call back a number repeatedly with no answer, shouldn’t there be some suspicion?

What did the voicemail message say? These are a couple of 20-year old kids who probably had a message that said “Fuck off dude” and Nix is still sitting there trying to get through. Maybe since he pretty much knew his $59 million quarterback was about to be cut he was hoping to get on the horn and talk trade.

If anyone is wondering why the Buffalo Bills haven’t made the playoffs since 1999, here’s your answer. People like this are calling the shots.

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4. Warren Sapp gets caught F-bombing the Patriots on NFL Network

This particular bad job is probably on the producer and audio people at NFL Network during this show, since it’s them who usually call for a talent’s microphone to be turned off and it’s them who lets the talent know that their mic is still hot.

But nevertheless, Warren Sapp continues to show his complete stupidity and ignorance. He’s sitting there trashing Scott Pioli and/or the New England Patriots while at the workplace. How about showing some professionalism for once in your life?

How NFL Network even continues to employ this man is beyond comprehension. Just about six months ago he called Brandon Marshall a “retard” because of something he apparently said about Shannon Sharpe.

There are analysts like Charles Barkley at TNT who have no filter but are extremely entertaining and funny and know how to break down the sport without sounding like a complete fool. Sapp doesn’t fall into any of those particular categories and in my mind provides absolutely nothing to the Network.

Bad job by the network for continuing to employ this tool.

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5. Mike Francesa does a play-by-play of the new Pope announcement and it’s brutal

First and foremost, everything about this show is brutal.

Mike Francesa was atrocious even when he partnered up with Chris “Mad Dog” Russo but at least that show was tolerable at times. Mostly because of Mad Dog’s entertainment.

But ever since Francesa went solo, this show has been an absolute snooze fest and this particular segment was probably the worst half hour in sports radio history.

The fact that he spent any amount of time discussing the eventual unveiling of the new Pope just goes to show his arrogance.

Anyone that’s interested in that type of information is not tuning into Mike Francesa on WFAN. I hate to break it to you.

Your show isn’t entertaining enough to veer off topic for an extended period of time onto something that no one is tuning in to hear you talk about in the first place.

There’s too much out there in the sports media world now. Between podcasts, articles, Twitter, YouTube, and apps that literally allow you to listen to any sports radio show in the entire country, shows like Mike Francesa’s that live in the stone age hardly serve any purpose.

The day his contract is up at WFAN will be the greatest day in the station’s history. They also won’t have to worry about anyone falling asleep during a show when that day finally comes.

-mDOT

BAD JOBS OF THE WEEK

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1. Ben Howland plays beer pong with UCLA students

I get the whole idea of being a “player’s coach.” But there are cases where the line needs to be drawn.

No one is going to pretend like underage drinking doesn’t happen in every college across America, but knowing it’s happening and being a part of it as a known public figure is a completely different story.

I don’t care how cool you think Howland is, being caught in a picture watching 19 YEAR OLD Shabazz Muhammad is not smart.

I’m not saying to kill the party and take everyone’s beer away. I’m just saying try not shooting ping-pong balls into a cup so you can get another underage student drunk when you’re the head coach of the men’s basketball team.

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2. Brian Cashman breaks his ankle while skydiving for charity

It’s great that Yankees GM Brian Cashman used his platform to raise awareness for the Wounded Warrior Project.

But jumping out of an airplane wouldn’t be my first choice.

Considering you are who you are, why not maybe have some Yankee spring training jerseys made with the U.S. Army logo on it and donate money for every home run ball hit during batting practice that day?

You know, something that doesn’t put your life at great danger.

As it turns out, Cashman actually suffered the broken ankle after his SECOND jump. Maybe he heard the report that Cano, Granderson and Arod could all be suspended for PED use and thought the next jump could server a harsher fate.

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3. Stephen A. Smith still thinks there are ties in hockey

This video just goes to show how much of a complete joke ESPN and Stephen A. Smith really are.

I get that he may not be the biggest hockey fan in the world, there’s a reason the NHL is clearly fourth among the four major sports in this country and I’m not going to pretend like I can rattle off Gordie Howe’s first five career playoff goals.

But my goodness Stephen A., the last official tie happened on April 4, 2004. That was over EIGHT YEARS AGO. You know, right before they had that whole thing called a strike that caused the league to miss the 2004-05 season.

And this is why ESPN is such a disgrace. Why on earth would you even bring on Stephen A. Smith who we all know clearly has no clue whatsoever about hockey. And why should anyone even give a damn about his opinion on whether or not the Miami Heat or the Chicago Blackhawks streak is better? Who cares?

Honestly, if it’s not for live games or those “30 for 30” shows, there’s really no reason to put on that channel. The content is garbage.

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4. Lauren Silberman’s embarrassing NFL “tryout”

This was a complete joke and a sideshow.

Silberman attempted two kicks, neither of which traveled further than 19 yards. And then called for a trainer because she apparently aggravated a quad injury she suffered during the week.

Well, maybe if she didn’t spend her 30 minutes of warmups doing only push-ups and crunches, everyone’s time wouldn’t have been wasted watching her take two miserably failed attempts.

Probably the worst part of all this is, Silberman was basically free promotion for the NFL. All this talk of a female kicker possibly trying out for the NFL just made everyone involved in pumping this girl up, look horribly bad.

The only video evidence that anyone saw pre-NFL tryout was this awful video from a phone in which it looks like she’s setting up for about a 20-yard field goal. I can hit that. Does that mean I should fork over the $275 to attend one of these regional combines and hope for my shot in the league?

But now that we all now it obviously doesn’t take a whole lot to take a trip down to Florham Park, NJ and participate in an NFL tryout, the league will now find more ways to make money. As if it doesn’t have enough.

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5. Renaldo Balkman goes after the refs and then chokes his teammate

I assume that much like myself, you couldn’t care less what Renaldo Balkman is doing these days because he was about as irrelevant on the NBA level as Rick Brunson.

But, in case you were, he’s actually tearing up the Philippine Basketball Association.

Except for this little mishap.

Balkman’s reaction to Mr. Irrelevant of the 2009 NBA Draft (Robert Dozier) on the non-called foul was so ridiculous. Looking at the replay from underneath the basket, it looks like he was hardly even touched.

So to start bumping referees and getting in their faces and then choking a teammate who’s trying to calm you down is a candidate for an all-time bad job.

Here’s what Balkman said via twitter after the incident…

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Honorable Mention

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Joe Pa writes a letter in 1982 to a player who “cheated” Penn State out of $12.99

You want to talk about taking the extreme on something so minuscule.

$12.99? Joe Paterno got after a kid’s livelihood in this letter and even went as far as to offer a poor job recommendation because the kid owed 13 bucks on a bill from a trip to the Fiesta Bowl.

He probably ordered the Playboy channel from his hotel room because he knew it was going to be his last room as a Penn State football player. Let him live a little.

My favorite part of the whole letter is this line from Paterno - “You don’t do things right sometimes; you do them right all the time.”

I guess he must have forgotten he said those very words when Jerry Sandusky was roaming free in the state of Pennsylvania so the great name of Penn State could be protected.

What a bad job.

-mDOT

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